tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-78670210869765338742011-04-21T15:32:41.776-07:00Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11593928482700890412noreply@blogger.comBlogger11100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7867021086976533874.post-89847463280329680552007-04-19T22:15:00.001-07:002007-04-19T22:15:58.999-07:00first. the blog is gonna be dead dead dead and i'm deleting everything. immediately following this.<br /><br />i'm not even sure what i want to write here...i've been pretty happy being alone, even if it isn't for a long time. before it might have taken this huge adjustment and horribleness, but now, it just is. being alone is existing, and more than that, it's me being ok with myself. and honestly, i think i'm pretty ok and funny and smart and ok looking. slowly coming around to doing things because they're good for me, interest me, are enjoyed by me. <br /><br />learning not to judge myself for things i like that aren't 'cool' or maybe 'morally' what i'd expect from myself. learning to be cool with my uncurled eyelashes and greasy hair at work. <br /><br />anyway. i think i have a point here. anyway, it's this. i know i'm an open book. it doesn't seem worth lying about myself or about my relationships or about my feelings. it doesn't seem productive to live this life of secrets and tense anxiety when i want to discuss something but feel unable because of the people watching, listening, considering. <br /><br />and i'm sick of assumptions that because i am emotionally available and enjoy being enjoyed and enjoy enjoying (multiple contexts implied). and really, i'm really tired of words and feelings being put into my mouth. i'm tired of it. the only person who knows how i feel and what i want is me.<div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/7867021086976533874-8984746328032968055?l=invisiblecapsize.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Erinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11593928482700890412noreply@blogger.com0